Fundamentals With Phoenix: How to Train Your Human
Lesson 1: Don’t Let Them Catch You
I don’t care if you’re training for the Kentucky Derby or giving pony rides at the county fair (the horror!), all of us horses want the same thing – to have our human wrapped around our hooves. The first rule of total dominance over your human is if they can’t catch you, they can’t control you.
There are many schools of thought about how to best evade your human. The more athletic of us prefer to throw our tails up in the air and gallop like crazy away from our humans as soon as they spy us. (Oh, the look of utter dismay on the human’s face is a sight to behold!) Those of us who appreciate life at a slower pace amble off to the far corner of the pasture as soon as our humans appear at the pasture gate. (This tactic is almost more maddening to the human!)
I prefer to make my human believe he has a sporting chance of catching me, which just demoralizes him much faster. I’ll let him get 10 feet away from me, look him square in the eye and then turn tail and walk off, just fast enough that he can’t keep up with me. Then I begin lazily munching on some grass. When he gets within reach of me, I mosey off again.
With each evasion, the flicker of hope in your human’s eyes will dim and frustration will soon take over. If you’re lucky, when they’re at their wit’s end, your human will try to coax you up to them with treats. Take the bait and grab a nibble, but do it quickly so that just as they go to put the halter on you, you slip safely away.
The tactic you choose to avoid being caught – the mosey and tease or the tail-raised gallop – is entirely up to you. Whatever your choice, I encourage you to use your imagination to its fullest. After all, imagination is a horse’s greatest tool.
The tail-raised gallop – there’s no faster way to get expletives yammering out of your human’s mouth.
The most irritating tactic? The mosey and tease … your human will get sooo close but not close enough!
Be aware of the humans who know the Roundpenning Exercises from the Fundamentals Series. Given their ability to direct your feet and get your attention, these horsemen will appear to know some sort of voodoo magic. They’ll have you looking at them with two eyes, giving them your full respect and following them around like a puppy on a string in no time. It’s complete insanity!
Purely for demonstration purposes, I convinced Clinton to put together the video tip below explaining how a horse who has been taught the Fundamentals roundpenning exercises will behave so you know what to avoid.
– Stay Sassy & Free
Phoenix
